Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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