Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
