Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize