Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
