i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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