I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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