Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
this is an emotional support booty call
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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