If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
