We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
two words...techno handjob
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
