You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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