U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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