if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
