he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize