New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
