I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
