Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
