he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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