this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
