walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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