we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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