i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
