I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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