i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
