Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
