Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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