I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
