I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
