we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
