So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
