Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
