yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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