This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
