Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
