i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
