The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize