So drunk its hurt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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