i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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