So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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