It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
