i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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