she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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