Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize