I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
