At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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