in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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