well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
