Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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