is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
