if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
