I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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