if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
