He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
