We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
