I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
