i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
