im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
