So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
