Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
