Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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