I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
