My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
