Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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