I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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