and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
