Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
